I have been playing tennis since I was very little; I still fondly remember my first group classes – we were so small that we had a juice and cookie break. I played competitively through high school and socially during college, but now it is only sporadically that I find the opportunity for a match. The last time I played, we were enjoying the gentle breezes of late fall on an idyllic Saturday afternoon, and by the end of the first game, I was drenched in sweat. My opponent commented that I didn’t seem to be having very much fun, for all that I was trouncing him. Between heavy breaths, I retorted that I was having a blast, but he suggested we give up the competition and just rally. As we fell into a more comfortable pattern and my breathing normalized, the stress of competition fell away and I realized I was smiling.

It is easy to define players in tennis, divided by the net, as opponents, but as in most situations, it can still be win-win. He was not my opponent, but my partner. We both won when we had fun. In Stephen R. Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” he identifies Habit 4 as “Think Win-Win.”

"A person or an organization that approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude possesses three vital character traits:

1. Integrity – sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
2. Maturity – expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of others
3. Abundance Mentality – believing there is plenty for everyone"

In work, as in my tennis game, I have found it invaluable to remember the benefits of win-win. While we are competing for acknowledgments, promotions, and titles, we are a team with shared goals. One of my favorite idioms is “a rising tide lifts all boats.” When each individual brought his best, the entire team benefited, and when we shared goals, that benefit was exponentially increased. Each individual’s work and attitude contributed to the team, which in turn contributed to the project, the client, and the company as a whole.

I may have been winning the competition of the tennis match, but I was losing the true value; as soon as I identified that having fun with my companion was more important than acing him with every serve, we both found the game more enjoyable. When we compromise our values at work or strive only to defeat others, we lose sight of the bigger picture and truly lose the game.